My Best Friends...are real friendships between women a thing of the past?

In My Day...

That is how many family elders and friends used to begin a dissertation on the youth of the times...I smile now when I hear myself use phrases very similar to those as I observe and report on the generations beneath me.

While I don't check in on multiple topics, I do in the areas that are special to me.  Those areas are friendships and relationships.  They are very close to being the same thing in most cases but this article is focused on female friendships.

Using the standby phrase, 'in my day' there was a group of older women who cautioned my generation to be careful about taking on a female friend especially when one of us was in a serious love or(more like a like) relationship.  Having a good girlfriend was considered reckless because it was, according to the sages of the day, a recipe for heartache. Your  girlfriend could not be trusted to stay true to you if given an opportunity to grab him for themselves.

Oddly enough while I did have one friend who fit that mold, it never worked out in her favor and I didn't cut her out of my life because of her flirtatious personality.  I have written about her in the past because I've operated from a position of self confidence and the belief that a person couldn't be 'taken' from someone who didn't want to leave.  That might have been a little naive on my part at that stage of my life but it worked for me.

Growing up in the Midwest during a time when opportunities for young women of color was very limited.  The majority of us who were good students and friends became teachers or nurses.  I had no desire or as far as I could see skills to be successful in either of those areas.  My favorite classes were entertainment oriented...let me talk or sing and I am in my world!  So music was my first love and drama was my second.  The problem was then, as it is now, talent does not guarantee  success.  It didn't take me long to figure out I needed an 'ace in the hole' if I needed to eat; so off to college I went.  Got through it with very little struggle but didn't take long to figure out the industry moves faster than I could so...while the dream is still alive, I've tweaked my goal list and now, as then, my girlfriends have been on that road with me.

The journey has been and still is challenging and without  my girlfriends' encouragement, I would have given up years ago.  So, as I look back over my life, besides my family, my girlfriends have been my touchstone.  Over the next few articles I will focus on the value of female friendship; how to make friends, how to be a friend and how to KEEP  friends!

My favorite teacher and vocal coach used to say, " Make new friends but keep the the old; one is silver and the other's gold".  While from love, the advice to not have girlfriends was intended to keep me from being hurt,the advice from my teacher was diamond!  

Prepare to hear some of my true girlfriend memories.  I will change their names but my commitment to you is, the memories are mine and they are being shared with you as I remember them.  I encourage you to begin journaling your girlfriend memories;  be honest with yourself every step of the way, ask yourself if you have always been a good friend.  If not, why weren't you?  Think about if you could have a 'do over' what would you do.  Finally, if there is a broken friendship that nags at you because you were not your best self or she was not the friend you needed her to be, how can that relationship be repaired?  It is never too late; even if they are deceased, you can still make your peace with them and with yourself.